Breakups are the worst. You weep, you order pizza, you weep some more and you order some more pizza…
But how do you know when you’re ready to bite the bullet and move on with your life?
It takes about 11 weeks to feel the benefits of a breakup, according to a study in The Journal of Positive Psychology.
But, what if after those 11 weeks you still find yourself thinking about your former lover when you hit the pillow at night?
If your stomach sinks when you hear their name, does this mean you’re bound to love them for eternity? Or is that normal? Will you ever feel normal again? What is normal?
If you find yourself asking any of the above questions, it’s likely that you’re still in the midst of a post-breakup mourning haze – i.e. don’t update your dating bio just yet.
Well, check out some of these signs:
You are obsessed about them on Social media
Obviously if you find yourself ‘scanning’ through your ex’s Instagram or facebook feed late at night, it’s time to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask: do I want to be that person?
The person who obsesses over their ex’s social media activities? The person who can’t live without knowing whether their ex is in a new relationship that’s been social media-certified? Does it really matter whether they had french toast of oats for breakfast?
Keeping a tab on their social media lifestyle is one sure pointer you are not over them yet.Your fingers itch to open their profile, your thoughts wonder what the latest gist about them is. If you catch yourself between this rock and a hard place, don’t you think it would be a good time to unfriend and unfollow them and save your sanity?
You think about them when you’re drunk
When your bloodstream is 80% filled with Alcohol, it can be all too easy to commit the ultimate cardinal sin of relationships past: the drunken phone call – or worse still – the drunken voicemail or sms to your ex.
Put simply: don’t do it.
Not only will you wake up plagued by the shame and regret of your carefree drunk ‘drama’, of the passive aggressive “big night?” ,the text you’ll receive as a response will only exacerbate your raging hangover and ‘lust’ over him. Being drunk they say helps your mind wonder aimlessly, helps give voice to the things you are really thinking about and the fact that you get drunk and almost immediately begin to think, talk or text them shows you still have a soft spot for them.
You feel elated when you know they’ve seen your Facebook/ Instagram story or post
Jilted boyfriends/girlfriends love nothing more than a passive aggressive marker of letting you know that they’ve got their eye on you, whether you like it or not.
The fact that you feel this strange ‘excitement’ when you see that they just read something you posted on your wall may serve as that sign that you still want to feel ‘comfortable’ in your make belief that they are still into you.you will feel ten times more thrilled if they went on to comment on your post as this will give you some form of emotional fulfillment that they still approve of you.If your reasoning is still this way, then you have not let them go.
Thankfully, you can prevent them from checking up on by simply clicking the little cross next to their name when you’ve seen they’ve watched one of your stories.
Do this, immediately so you can have some emotional peace.
You compare potential new dates to them
“Ugh he’s 6’2,tall and dark…Steven was 5’4, short and light skinned…”
“She’s a lawyer? Vivian was a medical doctor…”
It never works well to play ‘compare and contrast’ when it comes to finding yourself a new lover.If you are still doing this, its a sure sign you are still into your ex.
If you’re swiping right or left ,comparing this or that because they remind you of an ex, then my dear, there’s a problem. If you truly want to move on you have got to get rid of anything and everything that is central to reminding you of your ex or the time you spent together.
You refer to the break up as a “break”
For those of you who might not be familiar with the epochal “we were on a break” , leaving the “up” out of break up can lead to severe misunderstandings. when you find yourself constantly telling yourself or others what transpired between you and your ex was just a ‘break’ i.e time apart rather than calling it a ‘break up’ for what it really is,then indeed you wish it was just a break and you are not over your ex just yet and any sudden come back from him/her will find your already waiting arms ready to accept him and start again.
If you find yourself ‘GUILTY‘ of any or all of these points, then indeed you are still NOT over your Ex.
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