The Concluding part-”His attitude left me constantly on edge” A woman’s Emotional & Psychological ‘torture’. Ibukun tells her story…

In case you missed the first part of this Story, Ibukun’s Story,from yesterday, Please read it here 

Her Story Continues:

…But after one horrible incident, in which he pushed me up against the wall and threatened to kill me, I decided I had to get out. I picked the kids up after school and we drove to my sister’s place in the country. There, I rang him and told him I wasn’t coming back. He just exploded.He threatened me.

I had to endure his guilt-trips, intimidation, pleading, anger and rage, reminding myself that I deserve something better. The worse he behaved, the clearer it came to me that I had to stick to my resolve. The domestic abuse service and counselor helped me to focus on the future.

I went to court and applied for a Restriction Order to protect me. To see that the Magistrate took his aggressive behavior seriously was a huge relief and it made a big difference, and he was forced to back off and stop harassing me.

Read: Real reasons why any woman can fall out of Love with you or any Man

It was a stressful time sorting out our arrangements through the Family Court. It was ordered that the kids can live with me, and he sees them only on weekends, and of-course under supervision. Meeting him to hand over the kids is difficult as he uses this as an opportunity to berate or upset me. The kids don’t particularly enjoy seeing him anymore, and he often tries to criticize me to them, or tells them it’s my fault he can’t see more of them. However, in the past year things have settled down. He has found another partner and shows less interest in seeing the girls or in harassing me.

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I’ve found a new house and a part-time job. I am slowly rebuilding my relationship with my daughters. We go to counseling together and talk about how we can relate to each other better. It’s taken a while for them to accept my authority as their mother, after years of him getting them to think they can just ignore whatever I say. But nothing is as stressful, though, as the day-by-day stress of living with his demands, moods and criticisms.

My advice to others

I know how difficult it is to leave, how much you want to believe the justifications and excuses. I know it’s difficult to get the energy to plan a way to get out when you are living day to day just trying not to provoke an angry outburst.

But you can do it. Just take the first step: get help. There are services out there who will understand. Call them. Find ways to build your confidence, and keep your focus on yourself and your children.

I am not suggesting you pack your bags and leave your marriage or relationship on the first sign hes frustrating you in it. NO! Far from it. By all means work hard, be patient, be understanding,pray for him,hang in there and try to make your marriage work. But if it’s beginning to look like you are loosing your mind in it, then perhaps you need to rethink it.

We are supposed to believe that children need their fathers. But this all depends on what their father is like. Believe me, children are better in a happy, stable environment with one caring parent, than living with two parents in an unhappy, tense atmosphere.