Comparison: How it frustrates the joy in your relationship (part1)


Many couples start their relationship life with love, care, commitment and drive. At the time, they never think the fire of their love will ever diminish or be put to the test one day Nor do they think that their fictional love may wear off or even hang in the balance. But here we are, suddenly the signs are here. You begin to notice a change in your spouses’ attitude towards you. He suddenly begins to find fault in anything you do. She starts to complain that you aren’t the gentleman you once were and then both your walls begin to crumble right before your own eyes.

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In most cases, it was not that you suddenly grew ugly, or that your jokes began to lack the steam to pull off a laughter with your spouse (after all these formed part of the reasons you both fell in love in the first place) but because somehow and somewhere along the line somebody totally new has become the yardstick for judging your every move. Moments and secrets you both cherish are suddenly not treasures anymore. Comparison has set in.

What is Comparison in relationship?

In my opinion, comparison in relationship is the act or instance of comparing one’s own relationship status, partner or attributes with another’s with a mindset (most times selfish) of reviewing your own.

It’s normal to measure our own relationships against how we perceive other’s and use those perceptions to reinforce how awesome we are together or question if our relationship has any real lasting power. But whether we use our comparisons for good or evil doesn’t really matter—because it’s a bad idea to compare your relationship with the one you think someone else is in. Nothing good ever comes of comparing your relationship to someone else’s.

How does it affect your relationship?

It’s better to acknowledge that each relationship is unique and has its strengths and weaknesses. If you’re prone to using another relationship as the measuring stick for your own, then see ways that it may already be hurting your relationship.

Feeling of inferiority in your partner– Comparing your spouse to another just like them shows your spouse what your new ‘standard’ for a partner should be or look like. It hurts even more when this new ‘criteria’ is one that they know they cannot match or meet up to even if they tried harder. This makes them feel inferior and robs them of the joy of relationship.

Distrust and betrayal– The act of comparison in itself to your partner is already seen as distrust and betrayal. From being so loved to being put on a scale of comparison side by side another who was never in the picture creates this feeling of total discomfort, distrust for your spouse and disdain for the opposite sex.

Robs you of your Joy and Inner peace-That awesome feeling of being someone’s eye, someone’s one and only love,that morning smile that creeps up on your face and the lovely experience that surrounds it suddenly goes up in smoke. You are anxious, nervous and uncomfortable. You wonder if to share how you feel with someone else or just keep it locked up within yourself.this frustrates your love.

Makes you hate the ‘rival’ partner-you find hate begins to swell up in you. Hatred for your partner and even worse for the ‘object’ of his comparison (the other person). Since that person has chosen directly or indirectly to ‘steal’ your happiness and joy by being that yardstick for which you are being compared, all you want to do is wish them worse than they are putting you through.

Joy and happiness is very essential in any marriage or relationship to thrive. We must learn to always ensure these virtues don’t leave our relationship. I tell most folks that consistently compare their spouses to others outside their relationship that when you compare your relationship to that of others, you’re only seeing them at their best, you aren’t getting a realistic picture of who or what they really are.. You can only see a small fraction of their relationship. Every couple has their ugly moments and attitudes they need to work on. So, just because they appear ‘’perfect’’ doesn’t quite mean all is perfect indeed.

The Concluding part of ‘Comparison: How it frustrates the joy in your relationship’. (part 2) will be published in a few days.

Please stay with us.

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