Firstly,i wish to sincerely apologize for the concluding part of this post coming out much later than i had earlier promised or envisaged. i am deeply sorry about it.Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Find the First part (Part 1) of this topic here http://spouseandtrends.com/comparison-how-it-frustrates-the-joy-in-your-relationship-part1/
Previously, we had discussed how so many couples who hitherto had had wonderful growing relationships, trust, dreams and aspirations together suddenly have one partner ‘slow down’ and begin to rethink, re-adjust or re-arrange his promises or mindset towards the other spouse all because there is suddenly someone else who ‘seemingly’ fits the NEW picture or profile they currently want or see.
We also went ahead to show how this comparison goes on to affect your relationship in the long run.
Having said that and seen how Comparison can hurt your relationship, let us look at a few ways to help you ‘slow down’ or put a STOP to these comparison or attributes in your spouse.
Now, always try to remember that most times the outcome of any Relationship is a direct function of the efforts, time and commitment we put into it. In other words, what i am trying to say is that the change we wish to see in our spouse more often than not must start with us.
Try to be a Much Better Person– Try to be a little bit more of that kind of person your spouse wants to see, that object of his ‘current’ passion or comparison.’upgrade’ yourself to his taste but be careful NOT to loose yourself or who you really are in search of that.Observe more,find out more about your partner.Are there things, virtues or characteristics he/she recently started to like or crave for that have now formed the reasons for comparing you to someone else?answers to these questions may tell you all you need to know about his sudden new attitude.
Talk it over with your partner-His new comparison style is hurting you. have you bothered to discuss this with him? communication they say is the ‘bedrock’ of any long lasting relationship.talk about it, listen better while you talk about it..you may just discover the object of his comparison while doing so. most times, a good discussion with both parties expressing their hurts and views have a good way of helping them see how they are unknowingly hurting one another and what they both have to do to ‘mend the fences’ of their troubled relationship.
Give a little Space– Sometimes it may just be the weary feeling of always having you around that tires them.they have grown so used to you now that all they want now is some new ‘spark’ and that spark is what they see in that other person.Don’t fret.we all act like that sometimes. we all need a break sometimes.just give him some little space.Keeping away from him for a while may give him all the time he needs to re-evaluate your purpose, importance and significance in his life. Let him miss you a little bit, let him cook for himself as against him always having you there to cook for him for a change….I am sure the food won’t taste the same in his mouth (not necessarily because he is not a good cook, but because today someone is not there at the table to eat by his side or share a joke with him). Space/Distance from a loved one always has a way of making us re-value or re-valuate that persons worth in our lives.
Boost your self Confidence– Comparison most times gives us that impression the other person is ‘better’ than us in more ways than one. this can make us grow feelings of inferiority which can do more damage to us than we think. Work on yourself, Boost your self confidence and worth. Smile more, laugh a little bit more.When your partner sees that rather than it weighing you down,instead it is making you bolder, more confident and ‘full of yourself’, he may then be forced to see that his advantage still lies in being with you than the object of his comparison.He will ask himself ‘why leave you for someone or something lesser’?
‘Flirt’ around other sexes ”just a little bit”– Yes! i mean ‘just a little bit”! Hanging around friends especially of the opposite sex can do wonders sometimes.That feeling of being important, admired or even wanted by the opposite sex can help you realize your true self worth (in case you lost it), make you feel better about yourself and help your spouse see the all too glaring fact that should he leave you for that ‘someone else’ he’s comparing you to, there are tons of guys that would literary ”jump into his shoes” to take his place. Jealousy will play out here.But,do be careful to set your imaginary boundaries here and leave the ‘flirting’ with these guys at just the level of friendship or mere acquaintances for the sake of your relationship.
Refocus your Energy on things that interest you– Refocus your mind and attention on your job, work, business, family commitments, church, mosque, research or any thing that interest you. keeping your mind preoccupied helps you keep your thoughts sane and in control.what you don’t give all your time and attention to can not worry you much.keep hope alive and watch events unfold. you may just find out that your silence may be all he/she needs to retrace his steps back to you.
Pray for Him– Prayer does wonders especially when its from a heart that’s troubled or sincerely seeking answers.Having done all within your power and understanding to keep your relationship alive and growing, you need prayer to steer the ship all the way to your chosen destination. keep praying and you are sure to beat that object of his imagination.
Even if it hurts, Don’t Show it– I know it’s hurting you, its tearing you apart on the inside. I know, Believe me i do. But,Do your very BEST to keep it all together. don’t show it.It would only go worse if you react or over react to it. Try to remain calm and seek better ways of resolving it. He is comparing you to someone else,Yes,But that shouldn’t get the better of you. one way or the other your composure stands a better chance of helping to ‘correct’ his senses and bringing his focus back to you. use that!
Never compare the outside of someone else’s Relationship with the ‘inside’ of yours….you have NO idea what a typical day is like ”inside” their own relationship!
Relationship is typically between ‘TWO FORGIVERS’, people that are Quick to forgive each other and start all over again. forgive when you have to and move on.
Lastly, Remember he/she once loved you! He/she probably still does.they only seem Distracted for now with the other person. it’s up to you to turn their FOCUS back to you,and with the right attitude, you will win!!!