When a couple has been together for a very long time, it can be easy to think of themselves as a collective unit, a ‘two-for-one package’, rather than as separate individuals.
While some may find the notion of excessive interdependence in a relationship slightly nauseating, according to recent research, couples who refer to themselves as “we” and “us” in conversation are more likely to be happier in love than those who don’t.
Researchers from the University of California investigated the correlation between the use of first-person plural pronouns (such as “we”, “our”, “us”) and the health of romantic relationships.
The team, led by psychologist Megan Robbins, analyzed 30 studies involving more than 5,000 participants, half of whom were married.
The researchers took five main factors into account: how long the couples have been together; their behaviour within the relationships; the mental health of the participants; their physical health; and how well they look after themselves on a daily basis.
They came to the conclusion that “we-talk” proved beneficial in all categories, corresponding with happier relationships on all counts.
“The benefit of analyzing many different couples in a lot of different contexts is that it establishes we-talk isn’t just positively related in one context, but that it indicates positive functioning overall,” says Alexander Karan, a graduate student in Robbins’ laboratory.
The study found that ‘we-talk’ had a positive effect in relationships across all age groups.
However, the question of whether happy couples are naturally more likely to use first-person plural pronouns or whether using the pronouns can make a couple more happy is yet to be determined.
“It is likely both,” Robbins says.
“Hearing yourself or a partner say these words could shift individuals’ ways of thinking to be more interdependent, which could lead to a healthier relationship.”
Last month, a survey carried out by Mattress Advisor explored how long it takes for people who are romantically involved to feel comfortable with one another.
1,000 people were questioned as part of the study, which discovered that a man is likely to feel comfortable walking around a bedroom naked after approximately 2.8 months, a month less than it would take an average woman.
Furthermore, it would take a man 3.8 months to feel comfortable showering with a partner, in comparison to 5.2 months for a woman.
Some weird facts though.
It is possible to make getting over your ex a pain-free process!
Indeed ending a relationship is never easy – and it can be even harder if there is still love shared in the hearts involved.
But just because heartbreak may feel like the end of the world, the good news is the pain won’t last forever – and it certainly won’t keep you from falling in love again.
According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes approximately 12 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. But a separate study found it takes closer to 18 months to heal from the end of a marriage.
In reality, heartbreak is a grieving process – and it looks completely different for everyone.
Because love is a messy emotion, and each relationship comes with its own memories and feelings, the end of any relationship will be a unique experience especially for the person involved.
And there is no set time limit for healing – as factors including the length of the relationship, shared experiences and memories, whether you had children, betrayal, and the depth of emotion all play a part in the healing process.
The break-up can also be worse or more painful if you didn’t want the relationship to end.
Fortunately, although it may not seem like it in the moment, millions of other people are experiencing similar emotions – and millions more have.
Human beings are meant to form relationships and fall in love, that’s how we are wired. And just as most people will experience love at least once in their lifetime, many will also experience the sting of heartbreak. It is natural, and expected, to be upset and devastated at the end of a relationship – even when the relationship might not have been a positive thing. After all, love is blind and it has the ability to make people overlook their partner’s flaws. This is truest at the end of a relationship, when bad memories are often overshadowed by good ones that make us question why we broke up in the first place.
But, just like any other wound, heartbreak heals with time, self-care, and a positive outlook – and it is possible to move on.
And while no two relationships are alike, there are certain things that everyone suffering from heartbreak can do to move on.
According to relationship expert Ammada Major, there are four steps that will help you get over someone.
Take time to grieve your loss (Self Assessment)
For some, losing a significant other because of a break-up can feel as painful as if they died. From seeing or talking to the one you love every day to having no contact, it can seem impossibly daunting to imagine your life without them. But it is important to come to terms with this new reality and accept it before you can move on. While it may seem appealing to fast-forward through this period of sadness by keeping busy with other things and people, the reality is the end of a relationship requires a grieving period where we process what has happened. This is a period of time where those suffering from a heartbreak can reflect on the relationship and their own behavior. Rather than trying to suppress these feelings, allowing yourself to feel them is integral to the healing process.
And while you are reflecting on the relationship and your emotions related to the break-up, you may learn a thing or two about yourself and what you want out of a future relationship.
Reconnect with yourself
In many relationships, the primary focus is on “we” instead of “me” or “I.” But the end of a relationship offers a unique opportunity – to take stock of where you are in life, and then to do something for you. Although it may sound cliché, the end of a relationship offers you the chance to reconnect with you. This may mean taking up a new hobby or reuniting with friends. Taking the time to do things that make you feel good, like seeing family, finding a new talent, or going on holiday will all help boost your mood post-break-up. This focus on yourself also means you can enter your next relationship with a self-awareness you may have lost. Rather than rushing into a new relationship, take time to focus on your relationship with you.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Rarely do people come to the decision to end a relationship at the same time. When this is the case, one side is usually surprised or shocked – which will only extend the grieving process. In addition to these feelings of shock, feelings of rejection can also be apparent when a partner ends a relationship seemingly out of the blue.
If the end of your relationship came as a shock, it is normal to feel rejected or question your self-worth. But if your partner has made it clear that they no longer want a relationship with you, and that there is no chance of reconciliation – accept what they are saying and focus on yourself.
Just because a partner has ended a relationship does not mean you are unlovable or unworthy of their love. Rather than focusing on what you did wrong, focus instead on what you can do to make yourself feel better in the moment.
If you think that blocking your ex on social media will help you feel less sad, then it is the right thing to do – as limiting exposure can often help us keep our mind off of the pain.
Talking also helps – but just make sure to set limits with your friends and family about what you feel comfortable discussing. While you may be ready to talk about your ex, you may not feel entirely comfortable hearing them talk badly about your ex or your relationship. However, talking through your emotions can be beneficial and often an outside perspective can be helpful. The same is true when and if you decide to get rid of the physical reminders of your relationship. While keeping pictures and other memorabilia is perfectly okay, it is also okay to throw this stuff away if it only causes you pain.
And if you have things that you need to return to your ex, having a friend or family member deliver them for you can ease some of the pressure and sadness associated with seeing them again.
During a break-up, and in the time that follows, relying on your support system is necessary for healing.
Indeed small things in our marriage can make a huge difference. When you aren’t careful, you can drift in marriage and may need to make small adjustments here and there to fall back in love again with your wife. Here are some insights and 3 ways to fall back in love with your wife.
1. Consciously Fall back to the beginning
Prior to marriage, you used to have some pretty hot dates. you spent a lot of time together. Your date nights provided a place for you to connect emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Once you got comfortable, in married life, and had multiple children, your hot dates now seemed non-existent. Date nights, period, became non-existent. Your lives suddenly became routines.Within the last couple of years, you’ve changed that. you decided to fall back to the beginning of your relationship. you got serious about dating each other.
When you do this, you will definitely fall back in love with your wife. It has been proven to work. Dating is essential to helping your marriage thrive and reigniting the already put out flame. Try this and you will fall back in love again.
1. Turn back the clock on your marriage
One thing neither my wife or I realized was how our morning and evening routines impacted our marriage–specifically our evening routine. We began to drift into this routine of going to bed at different times. I’m talking drastically different times.
Sometimes I’d stay up doing something while she would retire to bed. By the time I decided to get up and go to bed, if I didn’t fall asleep where I was, she’d be sound asleep. Although we’d be sleeping in the same bed, it felt like we both were alone. total strangers.We truly became passing ships in the night.
As we began to be intentional about going to bed at the same time, or at least retiring to our bedroom, we noticed a difference. While it doesn’t seem like much, it can have a huge impact i tell you. We enjoyed more conversation, and we both were awake and coherent–at least to begin the conversations. We never knew how much we were missing until making that change.
3. Set your clocks to the same thing
In addition to the challenges that came from going to bed at different times, our mornings were negatively impacted. We just seemed to be on different pages. Then, after attending a marriage retreat, I accepted a challenge from a pastor. The challenge was to start each day with my wife by reading a passage from the Bible and praying with my wife.
This small act each morning helped us to start each day on the same page. I read the bible passage to her. I prayed, then she prayed. Each day, it felt like we walked out of our bedroom empowered for whatever was ahead, and we felt like we were on the same team. we were partners again.That one small change brought amazing results. Doing this, along with the other two, are three great ways to fall back in love with your wife again.
Sound Off: What do you do to stay in step with your wife?
Cuddle up with your wife and implement one of these things.
The Length of a relationship has no impact on whether a partner will cheat or not!
You think you can spot the telltale signs of a cheat? Perhaps someone who settled down way too soon before playing the ‘field’, a club lover , or a cold, calculated type who’s adept at covering their tracks? Well, you may be wrong.
It’s actually people who have had a higher numbers of sexual partners, or have impulsive tendencies, who are more likely to cheat, according to a study.
Although each relationship is unique, researchers at the University of Queensland studied why people are unfaithful and found that there are certain factors that indicate a person is more likely to cheat.
According to the findings, people who are impulsive may cheat simply because they do not pause to consider the situation or risks, instead they act on their immediate thoughts and emotions.
Additionally, those who have had more sexual partners in the past are more inclined to be unfaithful and seek out other partners because they believe they have developed certain “skills” in the area, according to researchers.
“Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination,” the study authors wrote. “This inclination may be attributable to the individuals’ skills at recognizing sexual advances or recruitment of sex partners.”
Unsurprisingly, the top reasons for cheating are feelings of detachment from a partner and low relationship satisfaction – and researchers also found that length and the depth of relationship commitment have minimal impact on fidelity.
To understand the factors that lead individuals to cheat, researchers surveyed 123 heterosexual people aged 18 to 27, all of whom were in relationships.
Apart from issues stemming from relationship satisfaction and compatibility, the study also found that men are more likely to have sex if they cheat, whereas men and women were equally likely to cheat by kissing.
Fortunately, if you have been cheated on, it may be beneficial – as a previous survey on the effects of break-ups found that women who are cheated on ultimately grow from the experience and learn to choose better mates in the future. That’s a plus for the women, don’t you think?
It turns out, cheating is far more premeditated than first thought!
It’s not exactly news that people cheat on their partners, but why they do it in the first place is really unclear.
Maybe they were drunk, maybe they felt unfulfilled or maybe they were looking for a way out of the relationship, who really knows?
To answer the question, Ashley Madison – an extramarital affairs dating site – asked unfaithful men and women to reveal why they play away from home and it turns out the process is far more premeditated than first thought.
When we think of someone cheating, it often involves picking up a stranger at a bar but, out of the 1200 men questioned, 27 per cent admitted that they would approach a friend or co-worker if they were unhappy in their current setup.
Similarly, 15 per cent of women admitted that a co-worker would be their go-to for an affair while 17 per cent said they fantasize about having a fling with their boss.
It seems the other man or woman isn’t as mysterious after all. The truth is, if your partner is going to have an affair, it’s likely to be with someone they already know.
Shockingly, the survey also revealed that a staggering 99 per cent of men admitted to either cheating or contemplating cheating.
And, while satisfying sex was the main motivator, others confessed that their illicit behavior was an attempt to be happier in the marriage, rather than to damage it.
On the other side of the coin, 39 per cent of women said they had cheated on a partner while 35 per cent admitted to considering it.
For women that had partaken in an extramarital affair though, their reasons were much the same as their male counterparts.
It’s often thought that when women cheat they are seeking out an emotional connection, but this new study found that 43 per cent said their affair was purely physical, with just five per cent saying their bit-on-the-side was more educated than their partner.
Likewise, the majority of women said they felt compelled to engage in their first affair after having children, with 54 per cent saying their first experience in the extramarital dating world was post childbirth.